When Kanda Smiles
by Harmony283
Summary: Lavi knew better than to be offended, but then Kanda really did need to learn to answer his cellphone more often...and ignore caller ID. 4th installment up/second update today R&R PLEASE!
1. Don't Run with Pointy Objects

**A/N: **Possibly the closest thing to crack/parody/humor (that actually makes sense!) that I will ever write. Really. Also seeing 'official' pictures of Kanda smiling doesn't do good things to my brain...(don't know what I'm talking about? Go to the d. gray man community on LJ. Pictures of the D. Gray Man calendar have been posted…_and Kanda is smiling. On my birthday month _*wants the calendar SO badly now*).

**Warning: **mild language, running with sharp objects, and Allen teasing. Other than that it's relatively harmless

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Kanda smiles for the first time, and Lavi's pretty sure he's choking. Or almost there, anyway. Allen's already too far gone, next to him, eyes bulging, food caught in his throat, and it's almost funny except for it isn't. Kanda smiling was _never_ a good thing. Maybe he finally snapped? Lavi couldn't be sure.

But he was _smiling_, dammit, and that_ never_ happened.

"Oi, Y-Yuu-chan," the stutter is appropriate, or so he thinks, as he backs up slightly from the man, to glance up at him, "Wh-what's up? You kill anything today?"

The smile twitches, and almost fades, but doesn't entirely because it's still there under the Bookman's watchful eye, "Tch, no."

"Th-then?"

"You got laid?" Both boy's turn to Allen, and the white haired teen shrugs, "What? I had to ask."

And the blush that crosses the older man's cheeks is almost hilarious if the blade wasn't pointed so close to his face, "Like you would know." The man hissed.

Now Allen feels threatened, and Lavi even moreso, "What? Who's the lucky chick?" But he doesn't back down. Never had before, never saw a reason to, "Or are you even into that?" Silver eyes flash to Lavi and--Oh _nonono_ he wasn't going to drag him into this--and Lavi catapults off his seat to standing, and grabs his half eaten lunch.

The sharp end of the blade comes crashing down, and Lavi vaguely wonders how Kanda even smuggled that thing into school (under the pretense of _It's for club_ not that he'd _really _leave it in there and--)

Lavi just hopes he doesn't get an obscene message later.

But he knows he will, as he dashes out of the mess hall, with Allen close on his heels, and Kanda after the both of them--

"It was just a _joke_ dammit!"

And maybe Lavi understood a little, now, why the man never smiled. It wasn't a big understanding, or little, and it never accompanied the shout of: "Stop f_ollowing_ me dammit!" and the practical inhilation of food--

Or the Matron shouting at them to stop running with food in their mouth as they ran by the nurses office, and the fact they nearly ran into Miss Lotto talking shyly to Mr. Marie about something (he felt bad about that, a little bit)

But once they slipped out the front door he knew it was _all_ going to hell.

That was it. _That _was it.

When Kanda smiles, the world goes to hell.

***************

And because I say it on the summary…I might use this new story for drabble entries. If I ever write any other ones that I like.

Oh yes, reviews _would_ be appreciated for this. *would like to know what people think*


	2. You might Poke your eye out

Character(s): Lavi, Kanda, mentionings of Bookman, Tiedoll, Daisya, and Marie  
Rated: T  
A/N: Second in the series, not sure how well it goes with the other one. Possible failed attempt at texting-speak (I kinda...view them both as speaking coherently via texting, but Lavi's more inclined to use text-lingo, especially if he wants to annoy Kanda. Also Kanda's more likely to make errors because he isn't used to texting *knows that feeling, oh yes* ). Oh, I'll also be putting in a 'character' list at the top *points* along with the rating of the drabble.

WARNING: language, annoying relatives, implied pairing (if you squint?), people generally slacking off, and fear of old people.

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So when Lavi gets a nasty text message, he isn't all too surprised to see who it's from, but it makes his lips twitch anyway as he inconspicuously opens it to read the message.

**Fuck You**

That's Not a nice thing to say, Yuu-chan

It is when you're a fucking prick

And how is it my fault?

Because And the text message cuts off at that. Lavi waits **You didn't stop him**

From?

Saying shit

Saying what shit?

About getting laid

Well you haven't

Lavi thinks that over for a moment, before sending another text **Right?**

And for a good while his phone doesn't make any sort of sound, to warn him about any sort of message he could possibly recieve, and Lavi vaguely wonders if that's a good thing. After all, yesterday hadn't exactly gone well so it wouldn't surprise him if Kanda had been 'grounded' or some form of the word.

Which meant cell phone usage.

So when he snaps his phone shut and slides his phone back into his back pocket, he figures he can ignore it now, and go back to reading, because he really needed to finish that report before Bookman got back. Who knows what the cranky old man would do if he blatantly ignored working for the fifth time in a row?

Lavi didn't want to find out.

Except for he would have to, he figured, when right when he sat back down again, his phone started vibrating. He flipped it open again.

**...**

So talkative Yuu~

I haven't

Really?~ He meant for it to be teasing, after all _Yuu-chan _getting laid was about as plausible as Allen deciding not to cheat in Poker, or Komui saying Lenalee could go ahead and get married. It just wouldn't happen. Or, not unless it was special circumstances.

**...Really**

If you're just gonna send one word texts y'might as well call me He wasn't going to waste money either, after all, though he had unlimited and Bookman wouldn't get mad for actually using it, right? Wrong. Maybe.

**Fuck no**

Why?

He didn't get a text for a few more moments, and when he did he had to snigger at the typos and poor attempt at text speak

**TIedoll is stnding Right here, I cn't**

Aww, poor Yuu-chan's grounded?

No

Lavi waited

**Yes. Maybe. Fucking--**

The text was cut off, and Lavi only had half the mind to wonder exactly what happened, and he would have sent a text back, but then maybe he was _talking_ to Tiedoll, and if he sent a text wouldn't that mean the phone would get taken up? Well, he didn't want dear little Yuu-chan to get entirely cut off from the world he so hated. Because then he couldn't rant. Not that he ranted. He just tended to call people idiots, which was well enough.

Well enough in any case.

**Bastard** he jumped when the phone vibrated in his hand, **Fine. Can't call, but Tiedoll's leaving. I'll sneak out**

Oh you rule breaker~

Shut up

Lavi chuckled to himself, **Well I'm kinda workin' right now, but I'm sure Bookman wouldn't mind.**

FUCK no.

Lavi blinked

**I'm not going over to your place.**

Why?

A pause...  
**  
I swear you're scared of old people**

Am not

Are too

Whatever

You still coming over?

...If Marie lets me

Lavi raised an eyebrow at that **Not ta be rude, but he's blind. If you're quiet he won't know you're gone**

He'll know

ORLY?

...Yes really.

Lavi thought that over for a moment, **Anyone else home?**

Daisya

Ah

_**FUCK**_

**  
He being annoying?**

I'm leaving

Y?

Stop it. yes

Lavi felt his lips twitch, **'K, you coming over?**

...Yes

See you in 10?

Five.

I'll unlock the door.

After that, Lavi shut the phone with a _snap_, and forced himself up out of the chair, to maneuver over towards garage door. Flipping the lock, he barely got half way across the room again, before the door turned and in stumbled a familiar face. A rather haggled looking familiar face, pinched and exhausted.

The first words out of his mouth?

"Why the fuck did I come here?"

Lavi had to grin, "I dunno, Yuu-chan? You tell me."

***************

Again there seems to be more of an 'implied pairing' feel. I really don't know if I should continue with that or not, or just leave it up to the storyline (if it shows up, then it shows up, if not then not). As with last time: reviews would be loved!


	3. And that would be bad, because y'know

**Characters: **Lavi, Bookman, vague hints of plot, and a random OC  
**A/N: **third drabble in the series. Set sometime after the previous one. Tried to add in a bit of humor near the end, though it's definitely the most serious one to date. Yes I can't help but add angst into my writing. I really can't T^T *sobwhine*

**Warning: **mild violence, mild language, phallic objects, mentionings of strange neighbors, and too much mascara

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He decides early on that pleading is his best option, when the older man scowls firmly at the very much lack of work he had done in the two hours he had given him before his return. Plead and plead and hope to high heck that what he spent those two hours doing got shoved somewhere to the back as a small detail among many.

Except he knew it was all a crapshoot to begin with. Of course the man would _notice. _He might-nearly-be-90, but that didn't stop him, or how painful it was when a hand connected to his head and from the pitiful state he was on the floor, cowering in fear.

"B-But _Jiji_!" He tries, more like whines, and the scowl deepens, "Y'can't expect me to do so much in two hours!"

"Of course I can. You're my apprentice." Maybe he wishes the response wasn't so cold, but what can he do? Sit and watch, mostly, as the man flips through each log to check for completeness, "I expect more than this." And maybe he should expect more than a bit of elation at the approving gleam that rests there for half a second, but he knew better than to hope, "But I will let this slide. For once." The gleam is gone and Lavi feels something else connect to his head--the logs, the piles, dropped...

"Ouch--shit!"

"Such vulgar language." And maybe the old man was teasing him, and maybe that was just a bit creepy, "Put them away. We're going out to eat tonight."

Lavi blinks and stares at the smaller man's back, "Eh?"

The man reaches the staircase leading up to the first floor, "You heard me. You might as well attempt to throw something nice on, the restaurant is _quite_ the fancy place."

He doesn't get a chance to reply again, before Bookman (at a much faster pace than should be capable of his age) disappears up the stairs and through the door, leaving him sitting there amongst a pile of books, and a cellphone that's going off again. He chooses not to answer (when Bookman said hurry, it meant hurry) and, after all, they hadn't exactly gone out to eat much lately. He was getting tired of cooking.

**~(Convenient Time Skip)~**

Well if that wasn't just a little awkward.

_Oh god, stop touching me please_

Lavi shifts in his seat a little as the woman bats an overly mascara-applied eye at him. _How do her eyes not stick together? _No, he didn't necessarily need to know that, but _above all else_. Where the _heck_ had Bookman gone? Lavi did a once over of his surroundings, doing his best to keep on an attentive smile as the woman blabbed on and on about something to do with crappy drinks, overly expensive shoes and--_damn_...he knew he had a bit of money (with their job description, they couldn't _not_ be paid enough) but frugality was second nature to him, and the fact that someone could _spend so much money_ was so far beyond him that when she mentioned her next purchase--her 3rd vacation home, in the Bahama's--he nearly choked on his drink.

Nearly, of course, but he was trained better than that.

"But you know, my neighbors just act _so strange_ there." The shift in tone made Lavi's ears perk up _Oh?_ "I mean...not that I want to speak badly about anyone, but...one neighbor in particular bothers me. He's somewhat of a recluse, I guess you could say, and he must be a big fan of Dracula, because I've _never_ seen him in the daytime, yet I hear him play an organ at night!" She let out a shiver, "How creepy is that?" another..batted...thick...eyelash.

"Neh, very, when did you buy this house again?" Because he was pretty sure she hadn't mentioned that, she almost looked surprised that he asked.

"Oh! Yes, how rude of me, to leave out that _one_ itty-bitty," _Oh god my ears, _"detail." her fingers clinked against the table as she picked up her glass, "It was actually quite recently--last summer. June sixth if I remember correctly."

_Yuu-chan's birthday?_

The woman took a sip, "But these neighbors didn't make themselves known, you see. Everything seemed so _che_ery_." _She paused before she took another sip, and sighed, "Though it might just be me, hmm?"

"Depending on how often you go there." He didn't want to sound mean, but, "You went there for summer, and winter, I'm assuming?" The woman nodded her head, "How many weeks, and, well, the Bahama's are known to be a hot vacation spot. You're bound to get a few weird ones in there."

The woman bit an overly plump lip, "I suppose your right." Then she fell silent, eyes turning back to the crowd, and Lavi was almost _thankful_ except for the fact he had been told to keep the woman talking.

He didn't think he could hate his job anymore than he did right now.

But thankfully the hating was nearly quite snuffed out.

_Nearly_

If it wasn't for the scowl on Bookman's face, as he came up to the table from wherever he had disappeared off to. The jolt of the woman next to him nearly sent alarms going off in the back of his head but--oh, _oh_--

"Lavi," he almost flinched, but didn't, at the harshness of the others voice, "I don't believe things are going well, do you?" He glanced at the woman but didn't smile. The woman didn't smile back either.

"Neh, I dunno gramps, the foods takin' a while." Because it was the first thing to pop into his head, and hopefully he wouldn't be blamed if it was the wrong thing.

Apparently it wasn't.

"Hum, well," and the chair next to him was pulled out again, as the Bookman sat down plainly, like his last words hadn't meant a thing, "I suppose that's good then. What did you order me?"

"What you usually like." And then Lavi pointed to the small menu (displaying the newer things) that always rested on the center of tables in a fancy restaurant such as this one. Though maybe that had been a little mean, because he already _knew_ Bookman really, really, disliked anything banana flavored. But it was a form of payback for leaving him here.

And if the man could damn order him _Wasabi_ then of course he could. Of course.

The scowl was gone in an instant, "Ah, of course."

_Well who's going to be complaining in the morning? Not me_

**~(Convenient Time Skip #2)~**

"Oww shit!"

"You know I don't like banana's"

"And you know I don't like Wasabi!"

"That isn't my fault"

"Well it isn't _my _fault you hate bananas!"

Silence

"Why do you hate them anyway?"

"That's not a question."

"Yeah it is. See the question mark." Lavi traced it in the air with his free hand, holding his head with the other, "And I wanna know. You never even touch 'em, heck, I bet you'd rather _die_ than eat banana's if that was the only food on a deserted island."

The man made some sort of choking noise, as he lit up a cigarette. Lavi pretended not to cough as the smoke wafted under his nose, "I certainly would eat them, if that was the case." He remarked offhandedly, tossing the burnt out match into the gutter.

"Yeah but I'd like to see you do it on a regular basis." A pause, "They're a good source of Potassium, y'know."

"So are many other things."

"And they're yellow--a happy color." He got a muted nod in response, "Oh--and they're phallic shaped, sorta. Used in tons of--OWW!"

Another direct hit, straight to the head.

"Jiji!"

"Stupid apprentice." Lavi raised his head in time to see the man's quickening pace, he was far ahead of him by the time he managed to stand.

But not far enough away to ignore his shout, "So _that's_ why you hate them?"

He didn't get a response, obviously. But then, he figured, being locked out of his house was enough.

_Dammit._

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Annnd...the next part. Again not as happy-joy-joy as the other two, but eh...I've got the next part up (on LJ) already, and I can say that one's happier. And dedicated to someone too *laugh*

Anyways **Reviews** would be much appreciated (yet again), and now I must go off and acquire fooooood lest I wait to eat until 8PM tonight X.x


	4. you really need your eyes

**Character(s): **Lavi, Kanda, mentioings of Bookman and those crazy relatives  
**Rating: **T  
**A/N: ***GASP* Second update in one day? Psha...it's easy with something like this (and again this was already written beforehand XD). This is dedicated to **NeoRinku **over on deviantArt, for the oh so lovely cosplay pic she made happen _just for me _(Lavi glomping Kanda. And yes, both were guys, not girls dressed up as them). I based a scene after the photo in this drabble, hence why I'm mentioning it. Ah, also this is the fourth installment and it takes place immediately after the last one. *nod*

**Warning(s): **Glomping, mild language, friendship fluffiness (I don't get to write it enough), and parents that are really way too nice for their own good (who the heck leaves their child unattended--when they're _grounded_?)

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Lavi knew better than to be offended, when he dialed the familiar number for the third time. It was so like him not to answer the phone, and he knew the man had caller ID--he'd _know_ it was him. So he really shouldn't.

But he could feel elated when he actually picked up, _"What?"_

"_Kanda_~"

_"I'm hanging up._"

"But I didn't even say anything yet!" Even though he couldn't see him, he started to pout.

_"That's why.' _

"B-B-But!" he flailed momentarily for words, because he could tell from the tone of the others voice. Either say something, or shut the fuck up. So it had to be good, and even though he still couldn't see it, he kept the pout, "I'm _bored_."

"_Che, and I care?_"

"You care cuz I'm locked out."

_"...."_

"What?~"

"_Locked out...of where?"_

"My own house. And it's your fault!" He added for good measure.

Another long pause answered him, "_No it isn't._"

"Shyeah it is! "

_"What did I do?" _Lavi was mildly shocked that the other had even asked, but judging from the tone of the other man's voice...he was humoring him.

"You came over."

Another pause, then, "_That_?" Not 'when'.

"So ya remember? When I hid ya away from psychotic older brothers?"

_'"We aren't related." _So he _did_.

"Fine then, _adoptive_ older brothers. Who love you _lots and lots_ enough to _drag you back_, after only an hour of solituuuude!"

He heard the distinct sound of grinding on the other end of the line, "_Yes_, _that...kind...now what the fuck do you want? I'm still grounded."_

"Is anyone home?"

"_I am, you idiot."_

Lavi chuckled mildly, "I meant anyone _else_,"

"..._If I say no?"_

"Can I come ov--"

"_No."_

"But why--"

"_Just. No."_

"--not? But Yuu!"

_"No buts. I'm grounded. You can't."_

"Such a stickler for rules." Another pout graced his lips, when again he knew the other couldn't see him, "Ya weren't when you snuck out before."

_"That's because I wasn't home alone."_

"And that's any different from now _because_?"

"_You aren't as annoying as Daisya." _A pause, "but you'd be annoying now. And I'm not annoyed."

"Aww, Yuu-chan, glad you think so!" Because he knew it was the closest compliment he would get from the man, "But seriously, I'm locked out. It looks like it's gonna rain, and Jiji isn't gonna let up any time soon."

"_can't you just fucking break in? You live in the damned basement, don't you?"_

"Well," He paused, "Yeah."

_"Problem solved."_

"Haha, no, he'd just kick me back out again."

dead silence on the other end of the line.

"Whaaaat? Yuu-chan, you still there?"

_"...Yes. But...Che."_

"But what?"

_"Nothing."_

"You said 'che'."

_"So? I always say that."_

"So you actually know you say it?"

Another pause, Lavi snickered to himself, "_Not funny, Lavi."_

"Whaat? I'm bored."

"_And at this rate they'll know I was on my cellphone."_

"Like you love communicating with other people anyway," Lavi joked, running his free hand through his hair and pacing again. Back forth, back forth, ooh--a rock !--back forth, "No, really, really, can I come over? Just for a little bit! I can sneaky sneak my way out!"

"..._sneaky-sneak?"_

"Yup!"

"..._How would this benefit me?"_

"You'd be doing something nice for once?" Lavi could be hopeful couldn't he? He was keeping Kanda on the line anyway, "An' I really don't know about you, but I'll need to piss sometime soon, and doin' that in the bushes with neighbors like mine--an' I'm bound ta end up in jail! I don't want that! You don't want that!"

_'"It'd get you out of my hair."_

"But I haven't played with it in so long!"

"_..."_

"The last time was when we were in bed together, y'know doing that--"

"_Shut up. That never happened." _A pause, "_You were drunk. You threw up on my bed. I still don't forgive you for that."_

"Prissy."

"_Che. Say what you will, I don't want your dinner all over my floor."_

"Don't worry, I already ate."

_"My case in point."_

"And I'm not drunk."

",,,"

"_Pwease_, Yuu-chan?" Lavi didn't much like begging, even of the teasing variety, but he could feel the mositure in the air, and clouds _were_ getting awfully dark, "Can't cha be a good samaritan just this once?"

"_To you?' _Lavi sucked in his breath, "_No_."

"A good friend then?"

The other end was silent again...Lavi almost wondered if the man had hung up, but then he would have heard a dial tone, and he didn't. "Yuu-chan?"

"..._He really won't let you in?"_

"Nope and," A big drop fell on the bridge of his nose, making him blink, "_fuck_ it really is starting to rain."

"..._Fine."_

Lavi blinked again as another rain drop fell, this time on his arm, "What?"

"_I. said. Fine." _A pause, a loud exhale, "_I don't know what you did, but _fine."

Lavi didn't want to sound too elated, but honestly? He couldn't help it, "Thanks, Yuu!~ Be over in five!"

But the other had already hung up, and Lavi knew it, as he turned on his heels and dashed down the pavement, phone gripped painfully tight in his hand. He nearly lost his balance when he felt it vibrate, and barely had time to check the message, as he turned around the corner--Kanda's house coming into view.

**Back door's unlocked.**

**Thnx-Yuu~**

**Che**

**Love you too 3**

He didn't get a response for the last one, not that he entirely expected it, but when he rounded up the sidewalk leading around to the back, and easily hopped the fence, he could see a shadow of black hair wave past the inconspicuously big french doors and--

Turning the handle was easy enough, he knew just how much pressure was needed, and he knew just how to fling one open so it wouldn't hit him in the face and give him a bloody nose--

Kanda had no way of moving fast enough. He didn't.

Lavi could only watch in humorous amusement as the other's eyes widened and--

"KAAANNDA!"

"Oh-Shi--"

The man stumbled back a few steps, but still remained upright, holding Lavi's legs, which had wrapped around his waist.

"Che, _baka_, get off."

Lavi just grinned, "Neh, you'd have to let go first!"

...Well, _of course_ he would.

Damn his ass hurt.

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And there's the fourth installment. Haven't started on the next one, but then I'm supposed to be reading for anthropology, and I have a really bad headache XP But I feel better than I did earlier, and that's a definite plus.*also stayed on the phone talking for nearly an hour, something she hasn't done in a _long_ while*

Uh, **reviews** would be loved, if you so choose to give them!~


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